#we're talking people I met 10 years ago and 5 years ago here

[wrencatte]

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

whew okay.

So @wanderontherocks irl friend who knewnothing about the Flash except what I babbled to her about at work, who read my fanfiction even though all she knew about the Flash was what I babbled to her, and probably one of the best people in the entire universe

@pennflinn @hedgiwithapen @hourcat because WOW it's been a full on decade now with diverging fandoms and yet here we are, still mutuals! Penn and Hedgi are amazing writers and inspire me every day. Beehop is braver than any marine and honestly also an inspiration even though our current fandoms couldn't be any more different from each other.

@breakfastteatime blows my mind with character interaction like howw??? And the longfic!!! The LONGFICS?!?!?!?!

@kaelinaloveslomaris is diverge, re-verge, and then double re-verge (ish) again. From ff15 to jason todd, to me bumping over to star wars (though now you're into DMC). You gotta love her for her soothing presence and great writing.

@astramachina same with the diverging of fandoms but we haven't re-verged BUT his writing is TOP NOTCH and I looovvveeee the horror they produce. A inspiration for my own delve into horror

I went with some long-term friends because if we started going over my friends/supporters from the last 10 years in their entirety we'd be here forever

[janksfatass]

Pt. 1

Warnings: Tumultuous marriage, nothing spicy… yet.

Word Count: 1700

F!Reader x OC, F!Reader x Jake

Plot: Reader is in a loveless marriage and attends a charity event at a mansion for her husband’s new job. She decides to explore and ends up meeting the owner of the home. He then takes her on his own tour. Was she getting in over her head?

“Y/n what the fuck are you doing? We were supposed to leave 10 minutes ago!”

You sit up from fastening your heel and take a deep breath before responding, “I’m coming down now!” You grab your clutch off the bed and take one last look in the mirror to preen and check for any imperfections.

Tonight was some sort of charity ball that your husband was invited to by his coworkers at a new consulting firm. You had met Steven in college and from the beginning your relationship was never built on passion or love but rather logic. He was smart, getting a degree in something admirable and not to mention easy on the eyes. After graduation you had the picture perfect wedding and bought a house with the proverbial white picket fence. That was a year ago. Now your days mostly consist of going running your boutique and coming home to make dinner (which you more often than not eat alone). Then winding down with a glass or two of wine and your trusty rose. Sex wasn’t really a component of your marriage anymore. With Steven’s long hours you hardly spent any time together at all and when you did it was mostly spent screaming at each other. This isn’t the life you had pictured for yourself at 25 but it is what it is.

You make your way down the steps and there is Steven waiting for you in his all black suit with a silver mask covering half of his face.

“Let’s go, we're already late.” He grabs your arm and practically drags you out to the car that’s been waiting on you. You wince at his touch, “Why is it so important that we’re exactly on time anyways? Isn’t it just a party?”

“It’s not just a party, it's THE party. Everyone important will be there and it’s a prime opportunity to network, you couldn’t possibly understand.”

“Ok then…” you climb into the car and place your clutch in your lap.

The ride there was uncomfortably silent but not unusual. Steven pulls onto a side road that leads up a mountain. The road begins as gravel and then becomes paved about halfway up. At the very top sits a large white brick mansion with black trim. The mass of a driveway is lined with Bentleys, McLarens and the like, meanwhile you’re sitting in a 5 year old Mercedes C class.

“Who’s house is this?” You ask.

“Don’t worry about it, come on.” He grabs your hand and leads you out of the car up to the double doors which are being guarded by a large bald man.

“Password?”

“Luna.” Steven replies in a semi hushed tone.

The man opens the doors and you both walk inside. You’re greeted by a massive foyer with a double staircase that looks like it belongs in a vampiric film. The interior of the home almost takes your breath away. Charcoal walls, black marble floors, silver accents adorning the room and crystal chandeliers half the size of your car hanging over your head.

Soft jazz is coming from a room nearby. You follow Steven to the ballroom where you see about 200 people. Some standing in groups talking and some gliding with one another across the floors.

You turn to Steven,“Can we get a drink?”

“You go ahead I’ll be over here.”

You roll your eyes and make your way to the bar. You greet the bartender, “Hi, can I get a glass of champagne please?” He acknowledges your order and you turn around to scope the room. Middle aged men and their too young wives. Decrepit Vanderbilt types that resemble walking corpses. The amount of money in this room could probably end poverty for the whole country. Doctors, lawyers, philanthropists, businessmen, and a few that you wouldn’t be shocked if they were involved with organized crime, all mingling amongst each other.

You finish your drink and spot your husband across the room and walk over to him. He continues his conversation as though you weren’t even there, not even taking a moment to introduce you. After 20 minutes of conversations about new businesses and architecture, you grow increasingly bored.

“If you’ll excuse me.” You give the group a polite smile and nod then go back into the foyer to ask the doorman where the bathroom is.

“Up the stairs, to the left and then it’s the first door on your right.”

You walk up the staircase and enter the bathroom. You’re immediately drawn to the giant mirror encased in an ornate frame of delicately carved flowers and foliage. Jesus this guy is ridiculous. As you sit, you look around and your mind starts to drift thinking about what kind of man would have a home this extravagant. ‘He probably has a trophy wife with big fake tits and a bbl. Maids and chefs to do all the work while she sits and looks pretty. What a fucking dream.’ You finish up and wash your hands. When you re enter the hallway you decide to explore a little. Steve won’t even notice you’re gone honestly.

You begin to peek into the rooms down the hall, noting the spacious bedrooms and also a theater room. What really grabs your attention is the study. You step into the room and the walls are top to bottom shelves filled with books. You notice a few familiar names, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, The Alchemist, etc. You walk around the desk and see out on the balcony there’s a small seating area and a large telescope pointed at the sky. You step outside and begin looking through it, searching for constellations.

“Lovely night isn’t it?” You jump at the raspy voice coming from behind you and quickly spin around.

“Y-yea it is. It’s very clear tonight. Not a cloud in the sky.” Your throat is dry as you eye up the man.

He’s small in stature but appears fairly sturdy nonetheless. The top half of his face is covered with a black mask but you can see a neatly trimmed mustache sitting above his heart shaped lips. His long hair pulled back into a bun. Very well dressed. Donning a gray suit. He has on black button down with what appears to be only the bottom two buttons secured, revealing a smooth chest that he’s decorated with a few necklaces that hold coin pendants. He has an Italian leather belt around his waist that matches the loafers on his feet.

“This is my second favorite room in my home. Especially on nights like tonight.”

“This house is YOURS?!” You choke out.

“You seem surprised. Why?”

“I guess I expected an old crusty bastard to live in something like this. Something so… over the top.”

“Well that’s one thing about me. I tend to have a habit of enjoying the more lavish things this life has to offer.” He takes a sip of what appears to be whiskey in his glass.

“I can see that… You said this is your second favorite room. What is your favorite?”

“I could tell you.. but I think I’d rather show you. Would you like a tour?” He asks and you notice he’s now returning the favor of eyeing you up and down. Seemingly taking a few extra moments on your curves and specifically the neckline of your dress that cuts just below your sternum.

He extends an arm towards you. You look down at his hand as you reach for it. The voice in your head is screaming at you. Telling you that you shouldn’t go with this stranger but there’s something about him. Something Alluring... Dangerous... Sinful even. ‘Fuck it.’ You place your hand in his and instantly electricity shoots through you. It feels as though you’ve just sealed a deal with the devil himself.

He walks you through the maze that is his home, showing you a billiard room with a bar, an indoor pool, his office space, numerous guest rooms and finally, the master bedroom. Each space was decorated in a way that you’ve come to realize is very on par with his personality. Dark and luxurious. His bedroom was no exception.

He lets go of your hand and snakes his arm around you with his hand resting on your lower back. His thumb gently strokes your exposed skin. He guides you through the doorway and flicks the light switch. The room illuminates in a red glow. In the center of the room sits a four post bed with an extravagant wrought iron headboard. You notice above the bed, there’s a circular mirror on the ceiling. ‘Strange.’

“Why is there a mirror up there?” You question innocently.

“Why do you think there’s a mirror up there?” He gives you a look that immediately connects the dots in your brain and you feel your cheeks begin to flush.

“Oh right... Naturally. Okay.” You feel your throat becoming dry once again.

“Well go on, take a look around.”

You follow his instructions and begin to explore the huge room. Another bookcase that reaches the ceiling. His closet could be another bedroom in itself, filled with designer suits and Italian shoes, silk ties and rows of shirts. The bathroom contains a freestanding tub that could probably hold 4 people and the shower about 8.

“Wow. This is absolutely…” You stop yourself as your eye catches an… elevator? You walk over to it and look at him. “Where does this go?”

“The basement.” He replies matter of factly.

“What’s down there?”

“Would you like to see?” He quirks an eyebrow.

“Tell me what it is first. Is it like a dungeon or something?” You laugh.

“Well…”

Your laugh instantly ceases.

He smirks at you, watching the wheels begin to spin in your head. He can tell he’s piqued your curiosity.

“Well? Well what? Is it a dungeon or not?”

“Why don’t I show you and you can be the judge of that.”

You stop for a moment to think of what awaits you. “As long as you promise not to murder me.”

“Cross my heart, hope to die.”

‘If I die, I die.’

He takes your hand again as the elevator dings and opens. The inside is wall to wall mirrors. You notice there’s only two buttons. One for his bedroom and one for wherever he’s taking you.

[fuzzyautumninmetal]

The only one I want (Soap x reader)

You was Johnny's best friend (as well as being madly in love with him since you met him over 10 years ago) but when he got into the SAS it meant he had to move and due to your jobs you hadn't been able to see each other for about 5 years. Well that was until Ghost rang you about surprising Johnny for his birthday and he really wanted you to be there. It was all going great until his girlfriend met you and she got jealous and possessive very quickly. 

Tw ~ Bullying, unprotective sex (wrap it before you tap it), fingering, p in v. I think that's it

Reader is AFAB and a bigger gal ;)

You was at work when your phone started ringing, you look at who was calling you and saw it was Ghost. You instantly panicked, Ghost always texted you, he never rang unless something bad had happened "Are you alright to watch the bar, I have to take this". 

"Are you both okay?" was the first thing you said, "Yes we're fine" Ghost chuckled at your sigh of relief "Why are you ringing me then? Nearly gave me a heart attack at work" you scolded and Ghost could imagine your face right now. "I'm planning a surprise birthday party for Johnny and I really want you to be here, it would be the best birthday present for him" he whispered so you guessed he was at work, "My dad keeps asking when I'm going to see Johnny. He misses his 'son'" you joked "I should be able to get the time off work, look It's Saturday and it's getting busy at work. I'll talk to my dad tomorrow and let you know". "Cheers Love" was the last thing he said before you hung up and went back to work. 

With your dad being the CEO of the franchise you manage at meant it was easy for you to get time off but you never liked to abuse those privileges and wanted to make sure you could have time off. "How long do you need off?" you farther asked first. "You can take him his birthday presents from us. We don't need to spend lots money of posting these for him" your mother said after. "Can I come with you? I miss Johnny" your younger brother whined. "Maybe 2 weeks or so? I'm not sure what his schedule is like but I would like to spend time with him. Yes I'll take his presents and no I'm sorry lil man. You have school but I'll video call you so you can talk to him" you answered everyone's question before looking at your father. "Just please tell him we miss him" your father pleaded and you laughed "I will. He misses you as well...well moms cooking more". You all laughed before you texted Ghost and started packing. 

"Hey Y/N" Ghost wrapped you in a big hug, you have known him for about 7 years. Johnny introduced you when they both came back to England for a while and you hit it off really well, you was one of the few people Ghost called a friend. "Hey Si" you hugged him back before getting into his car. 

"Laswell said you can stay at the base for a while so you don't have to pay for a hotel room" you looked at Ghost "You'll be staying at my place for now until Johnny's birthday" he laughed. It was quiet so you decided to make small talk "How's him and Sofia? He seems happy, in love" it made you sad to ask about his girlfriend, you like. No. You was in love with Johnny and have been since they day you met him but like every high school love book you never told him because you didn't want to risk ruining your friendship, plus you was scared he didn't like you because you had always been bigger than most girls. Not that it matters now, you had learnt to love your body and they way you look. It gave you more confident and realised men didn't care but it was too late with Johnny. "He seems happy" Ghost brought you out of your thought "I sense that there's a but" you teased, he pulled into the car park outside his apartment "There is but well talk over food" 

After a long shower you got into your PJs which resulted in a baggy tee and some shorts "So why don't you like her" you asked with a glass of wine in your hand, he hesitated "It isn't just me. Everyone at the base don't like her. She's got Johnny wrapped around her finger and she knows it, she's always flirting with the recruits when she thinks we're not around, constantly asking Johnny to buy her stupidly expensive things, doesn't like him hanging out with us and has tried to stop him going on a mission". "Let me guess she only 'likes' him because he's in the army and because he works out" you added and Ghosts nodded "He's been like it since I've known him, he will never see it but he always goes for the girls that only care about status, money and looks" you sighed. "She also doesn't like you.....she feels threatened because he has a female best friend. She's always asking if anything has ever gone off between you too and when you last saw each other. I tell her truth but she doesn't believe me" you could help but laugh but what Ghosts asks next catches you off guard. "Do you still love him?" Ghost asked, "Of course I do Si" you laughed. Ghost said nothing just smiled as if he knew something but you played it off.

Of course he knew something, Johnny told him everything which means he knew that Johnny was also in love with you and has been since you first met but like you he didn't want to risk ruining your friendship. Ghost did ask you to come and surprise Johnny but also because he hopes Johnny will see that Sofia isn't the love of his life. You are. He hopes something would happen so you two would finally confess your love for each other. Not that he would tell anyone his plan.

It was the day before Johnny's surprise birthday party but for Ghost it was a normal day, kind of. He had to go over the last finishing touches for Johnny's party. He had walked into the common room to see Sofia "Good morning Ghost" she flirted but he just grunted in response "Have you seen Soap?". Ghost only called him Soap because he knew she didn't like his nickname "Johnny. Is with Price, he shouldn't be long". "Mornin' Ghost" Johnny's voice boomed from the other side of the room "We're all going for drinks tomorrow, you should come" you said not really giving Johnny a choice but obviously Sofia didn't like that "Oh no he can't. He's taking me out tomorrow". Ghost looked back at her slightly and smirked, he thought about her reaction to see you at the bar, "You can bring Sofia, Laswell is going to be there and some other people" he convinced him. "Yeah we'll be there, it will be nice for you finally meet everyone darlin" Johnny smiled completely oblivious to everything. 

Ghost told you it was a small dive bar that he had rented out so you didn't need to go all out, just something casual, "So he has no idea I'm here?" you asked. "Johnny is very smart but he's been oblivious that I've basically been harbouring his best friend for a few days" and you laughed while finishing getting ready. "She's going to be there isn't she?" you asked referring to Sofia "It will be fun" Ghost replied. Great

You would be lying if you said you wasn't nervous seeing Johnny but at the same time you was excited "Lads this is Y/N" Ghost introduced you to the rest of the 141 plus a few other people. "So you're the best friend he never shuts up about" the man known as Gaz said "The one and only" you flipped your hair and laughed. "It's nice to finally meet you, I'm Price. This is Laswell, Alejandro and Rudy" you shuck hands with them all and got chatting "Is it true Soap accidently pushed you off a roof?" Gaz asked and you thought for a moment before remembering the memory "He didn't push me off" you started laughing "we snuck onto the roof of my house and started play fighting. Johnny was loosing so he thought it would be a good idea to push me but I like to be dramatic so I kind of just threw myself off. I ended up in the hospital with a broken arm because turns out. Throwing yourself off a roof to be dramatic isn't a good idea". Everyone started laughing with you "He's here" someone came in and said so you hid behind Ghost, he gave you a questioning look "You're like 6'3 and well built. I'm 5'5 so let me hide". 

"Happy birthday Soap" everyone said together "Holy shit. All this for me? You shouldn't have guys" his voice boomed out and you couldn't help but smile. "We actually have 1 more surprise for you" Ghost smiled and stepped to the side "Surprise bitch" you shouted. Johnny's eyes widened, not believing what he was saying "Y/n?", you threw him a cheeky smile before he tackled you into a hug "God I've missed you" he sounded like he was going to cry "I've missed you too".

Ghost could see the anger in Sofia's face, well actually everyone could see it and snickered. They knew Ghost did it on purpose but never said anything. "You must be Sofia" you walked towards her and stuck your hand out to shake "Fat bitch" she whispered as she shoved past you. "Charming" you whispered to yourself. "How long are you here for?" Johnny asked, you looked towards Sofia "2 maybe 3 weeks depending on your schedule. My parents miss you". "You've met her parents?" Sofia spat, annoyed you gave her the same energy "Well considering we grew up together yeah" and pulled a face before walking away. "She's a delight" you whispered at Ghost and he laughed in agreement. 

You had been there for 5 days and not once did you get to spend time with Johnny. When he was at the base she was attached to him like a rash and pulled him away whenever you tried to talk to him, when it was his days off she got him doing something with her and quiet frankly it was starting to piss you off. "I swear to god I will say something" you shot your gun in the firing range with Ghost, Gaz and Price while they listened to you kick off, "Then why don't you" Gaz asked. "I would if she would stop being a little bitch". They knew you was annoyed a decided to teach you how to shoot a gun to help get your anger out. 

"Have you ever thought about joining the army?" Price asked to change the subject "I mean I thought about it when Johnny wanted to join" you held your gun up and aimed. "Why didn't you? You'd make a great recruit" Price asked again. You was about to answer "Because that would mean she would have to go on a diet and actually work out. I don't know if you saw any pictures of her when she was younger but she was massive, could of been mistaken for a whale. Well you could still be mistaken for one now" Sofia cut in walking towards the boys "Actually my father was about to open his new business and I wanted to help him and his business grow. Turns out I prefer being a manager and a bartender, he said that when I'm ready we can be co-business partners" you turned to Sofia "Speaking of jobs, don't you have one? Or are you too busy sponging off Johnny?". "When your as pretty as me you shouldn't have to work. Not that you would know what being pretty is like" she walked to Ghost and put her hand on his bicep "We're going out later, you should join us". "God built me, your doctor built you. Probably with daddy's money" and if looks could kill you would be dead, "Why you" she started walking towards you but you held the gun up "I wouldn't sweetheart" you smiled oh so innocently.   

Another 3 days and it's like Johnny had completely gone off the grid, nobody had seen him nor could they get in touch with him. Everyone was worried but they knew that Sofia had made him stay with her after the little conversation you both had. "She's threatened by Y/N" Gaz joked and you joined in "She should be, I'm built like a whale remember", "Could squish her" Ghost added. "I'm gonna have a shower, I'm never fighting Ghost again" you got up "Why, It was fun". "Bitch I nearly died. I'm sweating out of places I didn't know was even possible" you poked him before walking to your room on base.

"I'm so sorry Captain" Johnny came running in, out of breath "Where have you been?" Price asked annoyed, "She locked the door and windows, she hid the fucking key. She even broke my phone. I had to sneak out of the tiny ass bathroom window. I don't know what's gotten into her" Johnny explained. Ghost couldn't keep quiet any longer "She's fucking crazy Johnny, I don't know what you see in her", "She's not normally like this...no she's a lot better than this.....she's the best person ever....I love her" he started rambling on trying to make excuses for himself when in reality he hasn't been happy, he hasn't been for a while now but after seeing you he soon realised he didn't love Sofia anymore. "You're rambling Johnny" your voice made him turn around, he said nothing but hugged you. Tightly. 

"What's happening here?" Sofia basically screeched, Johnny pulled away and started talking "Sofia I think" but she cut him off and pointed towards you "Ever since you came here my relationship has been a mess. You've ruined everything, because of you Johnny hasn't wanted to see me. I've had to force him to stay with me". You gave her a short laugh "What by making sure he can't leave...and breaking his phone? What if had a life of death mission to go on and he couldn't because of you?". She looked at everyone, slightly embarrassed and started babbling "At least I'm not fat". Really? Was that the best insult she could give you "Yes. Well done. You've noticed that I am, in fact, fat. I have been fat all my life and I don't know why you think that pathetic little insult will hurt me" you turned to Johnny "I'm sorry Johnny, but it's best if I go home" you gave him a sad smile before walking off. 

"Yeah you do that, go back home and carry on being a slut" You stopped walking and faced her "Oh I've seen your posts. I know you sleep around because you know that nobody would ever want someone so fat and disgusting as you" she clung to Johnny's arms "And I know your in love with Johnny but jokes on you he will never love you back. I've seen his ex's and none them are fat. Army men don't like fat bitches". You looked at Johnny with tears falling down your cheek before you left to pack your bags. 

Sofia started laughing "Well that's that little problem sorted, come one baby. Let's go home". Johnny snatched his arm away from Sofia "What the fuck is wrong with you". She was shocked "What? I just got rid of your distraction" she generally didn't think she did anything wrong. "Distraction? You thought she was a distraction? If anything you're the fucking distraction, you stopped me from going to work, you've tried to stop me going on important missions to the point I've nearly been told to never come back. Because of you I've been so fucking unhappy but now I might actually loose the most important person in my life" Johnny started to raise his voice "But baby" she cooed. "Don't baby me, this is done. We're done. I want nothing to do with you". "You're leaving me?" she cried as he walked away "Yes to be with the only woman I've ever wanted in my life"

You wanted to cry. You wanted to scream, shout anything to express how upset you was. You may have just lost your best friend, the only person you could turn too and talk to for hours about your problems. He would never judge you or scold you, he would always sit and listen. You couldn't cry, you didn't have time too, you needed to pack your bags and book the next flight back home. You didn't hear the door opening and locking until Johnny's voice broke you from your trance "Y/N". You stood up not knowing what to say but it it didn't matter, Johnny only wanted to know one thing "How long?". You didn't say anything "How long Y/N?" he asked again this time he walked towards you, "Since I first met you" you whispered and looked into his piercing blue eyes, the eyes you have loved for 10 years. He grabbed your waist gently and kissed you, it was slow, passionate, it was like fireworks had gone off. You couldn't think of anything at that very moment. You pulled away "What about" he shook his head "You're the only woman I want. You're the only woman I've ever wanted in my life but I was so scared you didn't feel the same way" he whispered before you put your hands on his face and kissed him again. This time it was hungry.

You wasted no time in taking each others clothes off, Johnny wanted to take him time with you but at the same time he has been waiting for this moment for too long now he needed you, wanted you. He wanted you to know how much he loved you, he wanted to know you was his. He guided you to the bed and gently laid you down, hands not leaving your body. "God I've wanted you for so long" he whispered kissing up and down your thighs, getting dangerously close to your cunt before backing away in a teasingly way "Please Johnny" you whimpered. "I want to take care of you, I don't want to rush" he whispered caressing your thighs, "You have other times to take care of me, Johnny I need this. I need you" you pleaded looking at him, you saw the hunger in his eyes and the thoughts of him being a gentleman went out of the window. 

He crawled up your body and crashed his lips to yours but kept a hand on your thigh "God you're so fucking beautiful" he started running his fingers through your soaked folds before plunging two fingers deep into you, your back arched in pleasure. One hand scratched at his back as the other gripped his hair as he started pumping his fingers in and out of you, "I need more" you moaned, "Tell me darling. Tell me what you want" he moaned in between kisses. "I need to fuck me Johnny. Please". He removed his fingers and lined himself up with your entrance and asked "Are you ready?". "Yes, god yes" you practically begged him before he slowly pressed himself into, bit by bit. He wanted you too feel all of him but he also wanted to feel you.

You could feel yourself stretching around him and god was it amazing, you felt like you was in heaven. He started out slow but once you was fully stretched out he picked up his pace, you buried your face into his neck but he grabbed your chin to make you look at him "Keep your eyes on me and don't even think about looking away. I want to see you fall apart" he growled as he started going faster, all that could be heard was skin to skin contact. You moaned and whimpered but not once did you look away "That's it darling, let me see you fall apart". "Johnny I" you tried to speak but you was too cock drunk and Johnny loved it, seeing you this way, unable to speak because of him "What's wrong darling, gonna cum for me". You nodded your head unable to speak, he lifted your legs onto his shoulders and began slamming into you. He could feel your walls tightening around him "Hm shit darling, just a bit longer now". "Fuck. Johnny" you screamed as your body tensed in ways you didn't know where possible as you came, you started shaking from the sensitivity as Johnny chased his own orgasm.

Johnny flopped next to you and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you towards him. You both kept quiet, catching your breaths, enjoying each others company. "Why didn't you say anything?" you whispered putting your hand onto his cheek, "I was scared you didn't feel the same way, I was scared to loose you" he gently grabbed your hand and kissed your palm "Please don't leave yet" he whispered. You brought his forehead to yours "I never got the chance to book a plain ticket". 

"I love you Y/N"  

"I love you too Johnny"

[rexregistries]

im quitting smut & everything nsfw!!

like straight up, cold-turkey, quitting. so far, we're 20 hours in.

heres why

this is gonna get REALLLL personal, buckle in.

i know not many ppl will see this, but its nice to just get it out.

tw: online sexual grooming and me being a minor thru it all

basically, im gonna talk abt how this all started (i should REALLY be doing homework right now, but i need to get it off my chest, and i only have 1 assignment left)

please bear with me! i only recently remembered all of this, and most of it is still terribly foggy, and hopefully shall stay that way.

when i was 8, i entered into a friendship with a 26-year-old man on roblox. we met thru our mutual like for percy jackson & the olympians, and i met him on a pjo role-playing game on roblox. mind you, roblox filter about 8 years ago was almost nonexistent.

the man, sam (found this out years into my "relationship" w him, to me he was cookie [cookieflame546]), asked my age when i first met him. i knew about stranger danger, obviously i did, i was born a girl. but i gave him my age anyway. so he knew.

this relationship lasted 5 years. 8 years old to 13 years old.

it started okay! we'd roleplay together, nothing too bad! the real trouble began when one of my ocs went into a romantic relationship with one of his ocs. he asked me if i knew anything about sex (the deed, the dirty, the devils tango, he called it something else that i dont remember) and i said no. obviously i didnt, i was 8.

he offered to teach me stuff, and i said ok. i trusted him for some reason. (NO GIRL STOPPP)

and boy. BOY, did he teach me stuff.

he bought a private server JUST to have sex w me. i'd go online, roleplay a little with my other online friends (who were my age, maybe 1 or 2 years older), and then once sam got on, i'd go to the private server. it happened maybe three times a week, i think? we'd roleplay w other people normally most of the time. i got discord at 10, because he asked me to.

when it started getting really, really, actually terrible (more than it already was) was when i got into the hamilton fandom in 2020. (also, since covid was happening, i was on everyday, so we interacted a lot more)

"kal, y is hamilton important?" well, when i got into hamilton, i got into wattpad. when i got into wattpad, i got into smut. when i got into smut, i got into actual fucking porn. at the ripe age of 12 years old.

i was so proud of my newfound knowledge. i wanted to show him all i knew. the sex got worse. he'd find ways to bypass the increasingly strong filter, and so would i.

the only thing im glad for is that he never sent nsfw pics, and neither did i.

it started tapering off once i got into 8th grade. i had more homework, i couldnt be on as much. we still had those little sessions, but they were more infrequent.

(BUT, in his place, came another friend. his name is alex. hes a year older than me, and we roleplayed almost exclusively sexually together. outside of roleplay, we would also message sexually on discord. some of got disturbing when i look back on it [he said he would find my address, climb into my window, and fuck me. bro i am 12 years old]

me and alex fell out of contact for a long time [something something i used to be really homophobic and our entire friendgroup, excluding him and i, was queer]. we say hi hello when hes online on discord, but we dont talk anymore)

slowly, me and sam went back into a regular friendship. we didn't talk for months, other than the occasional hi, hello, hru, im good. i stopped roleplaying, he didnt.

and then my brain decided "yooooo wait this was kinda bad.......im gonna make them forget it >:]"

and i did! i forgot about it. and then in freshmen year, at a winter camp for school, it all came rushing back. i cried about it to one of my closest friends (they moved, but we still talk. if ur seeing this joey [ur prob not], the second im 18 we r gonna see each other istg!!!!), and they told me to block him. i did.

i havent spoken to him since.

and then my brain did another little silly and said "im gonna make them forget it again!! >:]"

and guess what! i forgot about it again.

until i sat by myself, just having finished a brutal smut fic, crying, because, man, why the fuck was i like this? why cant i stop reading and watching and looking at this horrible shit? because it was ruining me! it really was! (it still is, but we're working on it)

andddddddd it came rushing back again.

finally, an answer! thats why im like this!

my most formative years were filled with sex! thats why im obsessed with it!

i know im partly to blame. i enabled myself by actively looking for nsfw. but im trying to fix that.

thank u for ur time :]

[tolbachik]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers <3

Hi Zia!! Thank you so much for the ask, I'm really excited to share my answers here! It was real hard to pick, but I had fun!!

5 - My girlfriend!! We met on tumblr years ago when I was looking for an artist to commission, and found out she lived real close by! We became friends, and then it all just kinda snowballed from there really. We really enjoy each other's company, and usually call once a day at night before bed to spend a little time together! She means a lot to me, and I'm really happy to have met her! I really love her, she means the world to me, and I always do my best to make sure she knows that. y'know what she's asleep right now but I'm gonna message her and tell her how much she means to me thank you for making me think about her

4 - My family! My sister especially; we're very close, and love to do pretty much everything together. I usually watch her play games on some of her consoles, maybe we'll watch shows together, all kinds of stuff. She's always been there for me and helped me be the person I am today, so I really appreciate her and all she's done for me! This also includes my cats. Me and my sister jointly own three cats; Quinn, the oldest (and my profile picture), Binky (looks just like Quinn but smaller), and Leon (typical white and orange cat). They all mean a lot to me! I try not to take their companionship for granted, even if they wake me up at all hours of the night lol

3 - Space & space exploration! Really, mostly just in our own solar system. And for the exploration part, just stuff from the 70s-80s and concepts from then. I really love the optimism of the 70s, and all they had thought we would achieve by now. And honestly, a lot of concepts developed around that time still hold up to this day; O'Neill cylinders, space-based solar power, maglev-based launchers, stuff like that! I really hope someday we can get rid of these capitalist chains and focus on making the world and universe a brighter place. I'm a firm believer that we're here to spread the gift of life as far as possible, allowing for as many beings as possible to enjoy the experience of… well, being. Life is very precious, and I fully believe that the exploitation and development of space is something we need to do in order to help bring the gift of life to as many worlds as possible. That being said, I hate Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and every single astrocapitalist asshole who dreams of turning the stars into nothing but lifeless ash with a burning passion. I hope they all choke. Also, my favorite objects in our solar system are Uranus and her moons, and Venus lol

2 - Music! I know it gets said a lot, but music is a very important thing for me. I don't listen as much as I used to, but I still try to as much as I can. I usually listen to stuff only from the 1960s-1990s, but I do branch out every now and again! I really love folk music from the earlier part of that time frame, with musicians like Norma Tanega, Emitt Rhodes, Jim Sullivan, and more taking up a large amount of my favorites there. I also really like international music, especially Soviet stuff! It's so interesting to hear the different melodies and instruments, as well as singing styles. It's such a neat crossroad of cultures, there was so much interesting & beautiful sounding stuff! It's a shame that it's largely ignored over here in the west.

Also, I'm currently on a big Telex kick right now, though! They were a Belgian band from the late 70s into the 80s, and made music that was synthesizer only. I've liked them for quite some time, but it's just kinda coming back full force right now! On top of that, I will admit... Sometimes autism gets the better of me and I can and will listen to a song dozens of time in a row lol.

1 - My book series I'm writing and developing! I really don't like to talk about it (shy + nervous), but it means a lot to me. I'm chronically ill and can't really do too much, so writing has been one of the only things I can do when I get the energy. Even then, progress is far and few between, but it's better than nothing! Long story short, it's a hard sci-fi novel series about an alien race's journey in exploring their world, system, and beyond. Despite being about space exploration and first contact between them and us, it's more about love, friendship, and finding your own place in the universe than it is about war, action, or anything like that. I wanted to write this because I was tired of the typical "woahhh aliens are invading..." type of thing; I wanted something more about understanding and kindness, rather than about hatred and fear.

I've got like... 7 books total planned, with three of those being "prologues" but still like +70k words each. It's a long, arduous process, but it's something that I'm proud of and happy to do. I honestly don't know what my long term plans are for it, if I'll publish it or not. If I do, I'll probably make sure I have at least two of the other books done first, that way I have time to let myself work on the others at my own pace. I do love talking about it, but more likely in private than on my public blog; I'm incredibly shy lol

Thank you so much for this ask, it was a lot of fun! I'll be sure to spread it to some of my friends here, then. I really appreciated this!

Take care, and have a good rest of your day!!!

[rockthistowninsideout]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)

Thank you for asking!

I'm struggling for quite a bit right now because my job contract will end in about two weeks and I don't have anything new in sight yet so I have to distract myself. But! There are a few things that absolutely make me happy😊

I'm currently planning my 30th birthday which is just the slightest bit far-fetched since that's not going to happen until October next year. But the job search leaves me feeling super controlless so I need something where I have full control over. So now I'm planning a time-travelling vintage jamboree and it makes me so happy! (Here's a lil' sneak peek.)

2. My DnD Group. We first met in August 2022 and have been playing together since October of that year and it's still going great! Granted, we had some rough patches, either because none of us was available for a session, sometimes for months, or because of miscommunication because six/seven people also means six/seven different opinions on something. But we're still doing it, alternating between campaigns, and throwing in a one-shot every once in a while.

3. Travelling. I'm always up for new experiences and seeing new places. The good thing that might come out of the dreaded phase of unemployment will be the time I not only have for relaxation but also for travelling. A few weeks ago, some colleagues and I were talking about holiday destinations and Riga, the capital of Latvia, came up. I did a bit of research and it instantly soared to the top of my list with the places I want to visit next. So that's what I'm gonna do once I know when I will start at a new place.

4. My apartment. (Not the messy bit that I can't get on top of because of my executive dysfunction, though, ehem.) I'm always on the hunt for new things to decorate it with. Just the other day I scored an ad sign by Coca Cola, allegedly from 1904!

5. My writing. It's come up short in the last months because there more pressing matters on my mind but I hope to get back to it soon once the job hunt is over.

[druidberries]

sims get to know me tag !!

thank you sm @duusheen for tagging me 🥹💛

1. What’s your favourite sims death? cowplant lmao

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? I like maxis mix!

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? no

4. Do you use move objects? I can't build without it 😅

5. Favorite mod? this is super tough but I couldn't play without mccc and ui cheats!

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? outdoor retreat!

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? I feel like it's changed so many times throughout the years but lately it's been exclusively LIVing

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? a sim called Nex that I've never shared and Elowen! ofc lucine and flourish too but they're dnd characters before they are sims 😅

9. Have you made a simself? I did yearsss ago but she looks absolutely nothing like me lmao. I do kinda wanna try again tho?

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? I'm picking 5 bc that's how it should be in sims 4 *cough cough* family oriented, hopeless romantic, animal lover, geek, and socially awkward! I know some of those are sims 3 traits but its ok 😭

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? red and green! I have to resist the urge to give all my sims bright red hair 🫶 I love super dark black hair but it's such a hit or miss whether the swatch is gonna be gray, blue, or pitch black

12. Favorite EA hair? off the top of my head, I love the one we got with that sdx drop with the ombre roots and like 3 different high school years ones lol

13. Favorite life stage? I love infants bc 🥹🥹 but also teens and YA! even tho teens and young adults are pretty much the same 😐 it's one of the best parts of legacies when a child ages up into a teen!

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? gameplay and cas! I'm not great at building and only do it when I need to but creating characters and playing with families are my fav <3

15. Are you a CC creator? no lmao. I would like to make some more recolors but I only ever make them for personal use! maybe one day I'll release some 🤔

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? I've met some really good people on here that I just adore talking to <33 and I always think of my mutuals as my lil sims buddies 🥺

17. What’s your favorite game? 2 and 4! sims 3 is so good but 2 has my heart.

18. Do you have any sims merch? I used to have those headphones with the plumbobs that changed based on your sims emotions and they were so nice but they broke yearssss ago :( other than that no unless we're counting the freezer bunny I'm crocheting lol

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? no :(( I've wanted to start a youtube channel since I was just lil child but I'm so scared 🙃

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? I honestly don't think I have a sim style? but I do think I've gotten better at making sims in general? I'm much better at using different faces and making sims look different now!

21. What’s your Origin ID? druidberries but i don't upload anything to the gallery

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? trillyke, simstrouble, ah00b, ratboy, simandy, squea, ladymoriel, praline and literally so many more I could go on forever

23. How long have you had a simblr? I've had tumblr for ages like lurking but I think I started my first simblr around 2016-2017? I used that one on and off for so long and I always lost motivation but finally what like 2 months? ago I made this one and got a nice clean fresh start 😌

24. How do you edit your pictures? I use photoshop and I pretty much always do topaz, noise, and sharpen, and then from there I decide if I wanna do some brightening or whatever. I do use actions sometimes too! I really have no clue what I'm doing when it comes to editing 😭

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? all of the occult packs ofc + growing together and cottage living <33 I also really love nifty knitting bc most of my sims knit lmao

26. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? I really want them to make a fairies pack 🧚‍♀️🫶

feel free to ignore this but I'm tagging: @buttertrait. @potionio, @aurorangen, @estah, @sinfulwunders, @salemssimblr, @duskiivy and @simlishpiadina

[cosleia]

I posted 475 times in 2022

14 posts created (3%)

461 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wyomingnot

@nefastidies

@haberdashing

@jeza-red

@drinkysketch

I tagged 380 of my posts in 2022

Only 20% of my posts had no tags

#star wars - 218 posts

#kylux - 123 posts

#general hux - 19 posts

#comic - 16 posts

#kylo ren - 13 posts

#love this - 11 posts

#art - 11 posts

#dinluke - 11 posts

#grogu - 10 posts

#the sandman - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 123 characters

#also - assuming that the only reason a person is friends with someone is so they can maybe have sex with them is pretty sad

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Just as a note for anyone following me who came from Twitter…I avoided retweeting or talking about certain things on Twitter because there was no good way for people to avoid the topics if they wanted to. Here, however, you can hide things based on tags, and so I reblog and post about a wider range of topics here. I try to tag anything I think people may want to hide. I also always tag ships by ship name. So if you know there are things you definitely don’t want to see, I recommend adding those to your filtered tags in Settings > General Settings > Content You See.

17 notes - Posted November 15, 2022

#4

Kylux: Catsitting for Phasma was harder than they thought.

"'Just leave them with Millie,' you said," Hux hissed. "'They're all cats; they'll get along great,' you said. But my Millie does not share, I told you this, and you didn't listen, and now Phasma is going to literally murder me—"

"They're fine," Ren said, waving dismissively at the havoc the three cats had wreaked upon Hux's chambers and each other (the sofa was covered in cat hair, the caf table had been upended, Millie's toys were everywhere, Pudge's tail was missing a chunk of hair, Miu Miu was covered in jam for some reason, and in a fit of pique Millie had made a deposit in the middle of the floor), and Hux realized Ren truly did not fathom the danger they were in.

"Ah," Hux said, a deadly calm settling over him, "I can just tell her this is all your fault."

20 notes - Posted November 25, 2022

#3

I was thinking of trying to write something in the style of A Christmas Carol kind of like how I wrote somewhat in the style of The Headless Horseman a few years ago, but then I read the first page and I was like ah. He really was paid by the word

21 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

#2

People grow and adapt and make mistakes and change their minds. It can take much longer than five seconds to make a big decision. A person you knew years ago probably isn’t the same person they were then. Everyone has different experiences. Everyone is in a different place at the same time.

Choose slowly and thoughtfully. Practice grace. Accept others for who they are. Forgive. Validate. Appreciate.

Love is the only way we can survive.

24 notes - Posted November 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Soft kylux but pre-movies (like how they met or how they started getting along or sommat, but gently)

They'd only just met, but suddenly Kylo was holding Armitage's hand, pulling him closer, and whispering, "We have a lot in common."

It had happened before that some upstart would try to ingratiate himself with Armitage; he was tired of it, and this time he let himself show it, muttering a terse "I don't have anything in common with anyone."

But, "We're not the same," Kylo said fervently, "but we are the same, in the ways that matter."

It was a ridiculous statement, and Kylo himself was ridiculous, big and brash and beautiful, with an intensity in his deep brown eyes that Armitage had only ever seen in the mirror before now.

Despite himself, despite everything, Armitage thought he might be persuaded to believe him.

64 notes - Posted November 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[thenetvvork]

(cross posting to our DreamWidth)

Lately (last night and today) the subject came up of what was here before The Network. Memories are fuzzy because it deals with us before the age of 9 (so before 2004. 20 years ago and back). Plus it's one of those personal history things that isn't necessarily about accuracy in a historical sense. It's more of a story in the way people tell stories of their histories. Like a myth or folk story. Like somewhere right in the middle of all that. (There is no concrete physical proof from our childhood for this that we know of so it's hard track)

We've talked about this before but The Network has been a social identity. Right now it functions as shorthand for every more than one experience in this body because we're all in The Network. But what if someone (besides Mew) from before that identity solidified came back somehow? There were a few different things going on.

There were The Hordes which were all fictives from the Redwall series. So theoretically, they're the same as us. Fictives. And there was a lot of overlap between both groups, especially early on but even up through high school. I think it's probably good we "won out" against the Hordes in that I really think the way we work allows us to be more grounded in the present moment in this reality. I think for that to happen with the Hordes a real world view shift would have had to happen, a bigger one than any that would have happened with us.

Also within that timeframe we had other fictives too. But they were more few and far between and before The Network so since they weren't in the Hordes they just free floated rip Chester you would have hated The Network. Probably. I didnt ever know you but I think Megan might have

And before that, or maybe at around the same time (see it's hard to track with two fuzzy memories and a paperclip and the memories don't show overlap but logically they had to because past time is finite) we had factives - a completely different type of gain and working than us as fictives. And the only clue to them being factives and not Mew just imagining things is a very specific memory during a summer break where he was trying to ignore them because he thought hey maybe it's weird and time consuming to have imaginary talks with fictional characters people I know from school and writing camp and daycare. Maybe I shouldn't imagine tragedy beset upon their families and then they have to live with me and my family and I see them everyday (we were a lonely child who had attachment issues). And it worked for (in his mind) a month (but given how long time is for a kid probably a lot less than that) but they came back unbidden and Mew was happy to see them again. (To be clear he had also done this same mental process with us a few times but we just. Refused to play along.)

The Hordes truly stopped showing up when we moved out of our parents house and into college in another state. They lived in our parents backyard. They don't show back up when we visit.

The factives, well.... I don't know. I truly never met them. Mew grew out of it I guess. Probably when we were separated from the person they were sourced from for long enough they faded. Megan doesn't seem sure when I ask her when and if that overlap would have been. For one of them it would have to be 1st grade-5th (1st grade being when we met the boy, end of 5th when we stopped going to day care), so ages 5-10? Another was a girl who was in a writing camp with us, so probably also elementary school age. I don't know if it would be before the 4th grade though (that's when The Network solidified). There might have been more. Or the memory is conflating the factives and the fictives. Either the free floating ones or the Hordes.

And to Mew, these are completely different sections of his life. No overlap in his mind. Except the timelines overlap and I know people in The Network talked to people in the Hordes. I was there for that overlap. So his weird perspective isn't helping

.

.

.

All of this to build up to the idea/joke that The Network is built on top of the factives. On top like they're in headmate hell? On top like how a building is built on another building? On top like those new tubs you just lay over the old one? On top like literally if we literally dig down with our hands we'll find them? We just don't know lol

This discussion also alienates Mew as a Network member. The Network kind of solidified Around him. He's the "original" so whoever "won out", he would still be around in whatever fashion. Of course we're all quite happy with him here as he is now but he would be here regardless. Like a force of nature

[fcukcancer]

Ten years later, almost.

I graduated ten years (+5 days) ago.

When we talked on the phone, when I was preparing for my final exams, you said that "come hell or high water" you'd be at my graduation. But we were stepping way down into hell. Because you weren't there, you weren't well enough to make the trip to Manchester. I don't begrudge that. It's just something else on the pile of things you weren't able to do. And it's all the little things and moments that you notice it. It's the loss of every tiny sharp thing, that illness, decline, took away from you, and me. And death, in its absoluteness took away everything. You've missed so much, I've missed you so much.

Okay, almost 10 years ago (give it a few months) you tasked me with looking at everything twice. Once for me, and once for you. So here's some things I've seen, some things you've missed, in the last 10 years.

Your own funeral, it was, it's strange to say this, but it was a brilliant day. Later, me and Dad and Niall released balloons into the swirling wind in hall place, watched them disappear into the clouds. Niall went to uni, we visited him one time, saw Frank Turner play, we all got matching t-shirts.

I got a stop gap job. Me, Dad and Niall went to Amsterdam, just after New Year, just because we could. I got a better job, I went on a road trip with three friends, to Sweden. I flew home, my first flight alone. I started going out with one of those road-trip friends. Me, Dad and Niall went on an amazing holiday, to the Isle of Skye. We climbed Ben Nevis before getting the train home. You wouldn't have enjoyed Fort William, you'd have loved Skye. It felt like you were there. I felt so close to you even though you weren't there, corporeally. My uni friends started a tradition, of going on holiday in December, we're still doing it. Me and my partner went on holiday, a tour through Europe, by train. I moved out of the house I grew up in, into a flat share with people I knew from uni. Dad drove me to my new home, the day after we came back from a skiing holiday. Niall graduated, (I wasn't there, but Dad was), he moved back home. I haven't lived with my brother since I was 18. I feel like I shouldn't have left home, but I also felt like I couldn't stay. Dad met someone, she's lovely. I moved house again, into a flat with my partner, and another one of our road trip friends. At some point along the way we all went vegan or vegetarian. Not a big deal I just thought you'd like to know. Dad got married. Niall met someone. We all moved out of the house I grew up in. Dad sold it. It was time. It hadn't felt like home for a long time. Going back made me sad. My partner and I bought a flat, that flat from before in the story, we moved in during an incredibly strange time, during a pandemic. The UK had gone into a lockdown. I'm, not glad you didn't live to see it, but, your hypochondria would not have made the COVID 19 years a fun time for you. Restrictions lasted on and off for 18 months. I had some therapy. Not about you specifically, but also it was about you, everything is about you. I found the therapy really helpful. Niall got married. My best friend got engaged. I had a huge birthday party to celebrate my 30th Birthday. I invited almost everyone I knew. To say, hey, everyone, I'm still here. I didn't die when my mum died. I'm actually doing fine. My best friend got married, (quick turnaround but she's pulled off crazier things) the wedding was such a beautiful day.

This year (if we measure September to September), has been busy. Fun mostly, some sadness. Someone died who shouldn't have, you don't know them, you never met them, but I'm saddened by it. The day before your 9th deathday I climbed Ben Nevis, again. I've been around the UK, and hopped around Europe. I bought a car. I miss you, still can't get over the fact you died. I've spent 10 years in the bad timeline. Learning to live even though the world is wrong. But despite that, I I am happy. I've filled my life with people who make me happy, kept friendships strong through time, despite distance. I have a partner who is a good person, and we live well together. We're lucky, we're healthy, we're not taking that for granted. I get on with my family, the originals of course, but the other people we've brought in as well.

You did a good job with me, I'm your work in progress, something unfinished, I'll always be tangled up in you. And I am happy, and lying quietly beside my happiness is the truest thing I know which is that I miss you.

[hisui-blog]

This is how you knew you've moved on.

Back then, I thought I can't live without him. It hurts just to think I cannot see him anymore, and it hurts more when you imagine him being with someone else in the future. Love is fucking dumb. It's irrational. Love does not have a simple logic. He can do the dumbest shit to you and yet you will still love him and it will take time to move on.

The ideal love, sweet words, he keeps his promises and always puts you first. But even when all promises are broken, it will just take a sincere apology and you'll be dumb again for him. It's bullshit but you can't help it.

That's why even when you broke up, it still hurts, you still check on him, the person you talk to everyday is now someone who will not talk to you anymore. Weeks past, it gets worst. You start breakingdown. In a month, you're slowly putting up yourself together, but this is just a front. Just to show him what he lost. You tell yourself you're okay but you're constantly checking his profile.

Months passed by, you've been busy. Busy with school, work or hobbies. You start meeting other people. They take your mind off of it. But some time in a week, you still check on his profile before you go to sleep.

It's been a year now. I met someone better. Only a hypocrite will say that they don't compare their ex with their present at least in their mind. Yes he's better, but people are different. Some qualities are best in his, but some are worst that you can find in another. Life hits you that there is no perfect. All the 10 qualities you'll look for, you'll only find half of them or some of them, but they'll never be what you imagine it to be. You will never meet your standard, but you "can" meet that certain level of happiness and contentness that you want to feel.

It's been 2 years, I still check on him when we're having fights. I just look at his profile but never ever message him because that's wrong. In these times, I thought "Our time was a waste. I could've been doing something better in those times. I wasted my time on someone that treats me like a stranger now. Our relationship, our friendship, all of our knowledge in each other's personal life, it's a waste of time to know each other."

3 years. Your memories are slowly fading away. I can't remember how you talk to me. All I can remember is your face. There are no more than 5 moments that I remember being with you. I can't even remember our first date. Even though we've been together for 3 years. I can't remember us anymore. I can't remember you anymore. Just to be clear I don't think of this kind of thing often. It just comes to my mind maybe 5 times a year. It's just weird that I can't seem to remember you anymore. I know you, your name, your face. But it feels like you're not that person I knew 3 years ago.

4 years had passed now. It's June and I remember you for the first time this year. I searched on Facebook. For the first time after 4 years, I smile while looking at your profile. You're with someone else. But I did not smile for you, nor because that I was happy you found someone. I smile because, it did not hurt. 4 years ago, I couldn't even imagine losing you, more over that you having another girl. I wasn't ready, and it was breaking me into pieces just to imagine that, and at the back of my mind that day I wished you'll never find someone. But here we are, you're with someone. And I'm happy because it did not feel anything. It's just like I saw some regular couples on Facebook.

She's pretty, sexy and talented. 4 years ago I thought I would be jelous if you found someone better. I thought it would hurt like hell.

But I smiled. Because it did not hurt. Even if you're with someone else, even if she's pretty, even if you're better now.

I smiled because I did not care anymore. I don't care about you anymore. I don't care about your life anymore. I meant that literally. It just felt that you're someone I know a long time ago.

I can smile without any pain when I see you with someone else. This is how I knew I've moved on.

[meryamthebadassbitch]

𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘢 𝘑𝘦𝘳𝘬 || 𝘗𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘰 𝘔𝘢𝘹𝘪𝘮𝘰𝘧𝘧, 𝘛𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘳

Soon on Wattpad~

"Do you have one of the Parasites like your dad used to have?" asked Mrs. Chen the girl who paid for the snacks, eyes wide she shook her head in disagreement before stepping out of the store

PARASITE?!

"it's not my fault, dad used to call you that man just don't kill her she can give us a lot of free food you know and you can have extra brains when they always rob her poor store?" "Fine, we'll let it slide" "what do you wanna do?" "We can do whatever WE want" chuckling slightly she nodded making her way upstairs to the rooftop, sitting at the edge with venom beside her they both ate the Pack of chocolate in silence, sure, she was terrified finding out about a symbiote living inside her body just like her father after protecting herself from some scientist, but for these past years she got used to it and they were more like best friends and if something happened to Venom it's like happening to her.

𝙁𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙝𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠-

Making her way toward the bathroom, attempting to hide from those Men but a voice inside her head made her scream in fear, hiding inside one of the stalls she stared into nothing but emptiness staying quiet as if a serial killer was following her, shaking in fear she tried not to sob out loud by putting her hand on her mouth a drop of a tear falling to the ground as the 10-year-old girl cried in silence with her hands still shaking, the sound of the bathroom stalls being slammed open made her heart stop beating as she started praying for her life, she was going to die that's for sure.

The next thing she knew was the lock breaking and her being pulled harshly by 2 men, screaming in fear she tried biting their hands off but the guns aimed in her head was worse, in a blink of an eye black tentacles came out of her arms and stabbed both of them in the heart, a pool of blood surrounded her as she watched in fear at what she has just done, she just killed two men trying to kidnap her, blood on her white shoes and arms as she tried to open the door and make her way out of this hell hole, but it was the same thing instead this time a group pointed their guns at her as she looked around in search of a place to run away, giving up she sat on the ground putting her hands in the air as told letting the 'police' handcuff her, she's just a 10-year-old girl what possibly could she do?

"mom! please I am begging you to tell them to let me go, we were supposed to be having a girls' night! I promise I didn't kill those men something came out of my arm and-" she couldn't finish her words, Tears welled from deep inside and coursed down her cheeks as she begged her mother for help with a high pitched voice, Anne on the other side stared at her with a guilty look before shaking her head, staring at her in disbelieve she was brutally pulled by the handcuffs away giving her mother one last look.

Did she stay in an Asylum for 8 years without seeing her 'mother' and outside? yes sadly she did, did she get out of the asylum once? no, she never did and that was driving her crazy she was the only one in here and everyone was afraid of her, this place wasn't like any other asylum they brought people with superpowers here, like Eleven from stranger things except Mery didn't have Telekinesis she had Venom.

Sitting in the chair defeatless with an emotionless look on her face, her hands tied to the table, as always, she stared at Anne straight in her eyes "Mery-" "hey doctor, can you please open these handcuffs and let me go back to my room before I do something?" she finally said looking straight into the camera about to transform into the big giant monster when a syringe was on her neck preventing her from doing so, 'how dare she says my nickname' she thought looking straight into her eyes after 8 years of not seeing each other how would you feel and how can she still manage to say her nickname, especially when your own mother is the reason you're looked in here "I Hate you and you don't deserve to be called a mother!" she yelled out struggling from their grip, black tentacles came out of her back as she grabbed every single scientist killing them with no mercy, "Venom, let's get the hell out of here" her voice deadly as she spoke "Copy, you're the boss" just as Anne described she looked just like her father, huge teeth, white eyes, and a long tongue.

𝙀𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙛𝙡𝙖𝙨𝙝𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠-

"Don't open that door"

"Bitch, Don't order me to do something because you will die waiting?" she said with the usual level of sarcasm before taking off her apron making her way toward the door, what was shitty about this house was it didn't have a peephole, rolling her eyes she opened the door staring at the group in front of her "May I help you?" asked the girl in confusion to why the Avengers are in front of her apartment with a raised eyebrow the Black haired girl was about to close the door when black widow finally said a word after 10 seconds of silence "we need to talk to you?" "Listen, I don't have time to deal with superhero shit I've had enough" "please?" sighing she pushed the door fully letting them in sitting on the couch in front of them with her legs crossed "what?" "Can you introduce us to who you were talking to?" asked Captain America looking at her, raising her eyebrows once again, it was a habit sometimes she bites her nails "were you listening to us the whole time?" "no-" "Jesus, y'all are so famous and busy with superhero shit to the point where you don't understand a joke, Venom can you come out please?" annoyed, a black face appeared beside hers, that was the Parasite living inside her body?

"don't touch it, everyone this is Venom my best buddy and a parasite living inside my body, Her favorite food is brains and chocolate and we both kill robbers every day" putting a fake smile on her face she could see the look on their eyes, Bruce wanting to touch it so badly but stopped when Meryam sent him a look of disagreement, "alright this it, you guys can go, it was lovely meeting you, y'all are awesome superheroes and bye-bye!" "would you like to come with us we need your help, please?" asked Thor holding his hammer, glancing at Venom they both nodded at the same time, they were partners in crime anyways.

"We will but I'm coming alone, see ya at the Tower!" smiling she slammed the door shut

"Can you imagine Thor the god of thunder asking me to come with them, that is awesome right?" "not as awesome as us" nodding with a grin she grabbed her pocket knife charging the gun just in case tying her hair into a bun, putting on the mask Meryam grabbed the bag making her way out of the room.

"Hey miss Chen came to have some supplies?" stated the girl making her way toward the snack session she was probably the only customer here, the threatening sound of another robber echoed around the store as he pointed his gun at the poor woman, "That guy?" "yes bestie, free food for you tonight?" she said making her way toward the man, grabbing his wrist she punched him straight in the jaw, "Mask!" in a blink of an eye the same monster Mrs. Chen saw a long time ago was in front of her expect it was a woman, and that woman was Eddie Brock's daughter, Biting his head off she paid for the snacks before making her way out "night, thanks for the free snack!"

(venom ate the man, duh)

"This walk is boring!" "I know but we're almost there don't worry" "I Miss the Loser" "yeah, same he was the best dad" "and best Host, you both are the best" "aw thanks Venom you're the best too" a soft smile rose on her lips, The world was a better place when she smiled to Venom and he promised to Eddie he would keep her safe, thank god, she had her earphones on so people wouldn't call her crazy for talking by herself, "Jesus how many floors in this Tower?" "93"

"Excuse me is Tony Stark here, he said I can meet him here?" politely asking the blonde woman who was holding a little girl in her hand she took off her mask not to scare her, they didn't seem to recognize her right? "She's probably his wife" the voice of the symbiote echoed around her head as she nodded, "oh yes you must be Meryam, you seem kinda Familiar?" the blonde woman asked her, her heart stopped beating as soon as she said the last words, "o-oh really, who?" "oh never mind, you're so pretty by the way, I should probably go take Morgan to sleep Tony is having a meeting with the rest and they're waiting for you" "Yeah thank you?" "Pepper call me Pepper dear" nodding she waved at the little girl who had a cute smile on her face before making her way to where Pepper pointed

"Hey Old man, you wanted to meet us?" the same sound they heard 30 minutes ago echoed around the room earning their attention, chuckling at how startled they looked Meryam tried to hold her laugh while Venom was grinning evilly on the other side, "Ahh miss Brock come in" "it's Meryam, Anthony" okay that surely got him annoyed she could see how he rolled his eyes, sitting down on one of the chairs she looked around greeting the rest with a straight look.

"Tell us more about yourself?" not wanting to tell them her whole story, she shook her head with an emotionless look on her face "there's nothing more to know about me, I lived 13 years alone that's it, my life is useless anyways I only have Venom and kill robbers nothing more interesting?" one thing they learned about her was how fast she changed her emotions, 5 seconds ago she was trying not to laugh and now a deadpan look on her face. Pietro didn't trust her, not even a single bit and that was why a glare was attached to his stupid face

"So Meryam we're going to be on a mission for these past days and since you have nothing to do, you're going to catch the robbers around the city and take Morgan to school" tearing her gaze away from Pietro who was still glaring she blinked slightly trying to process what he just said, "excuse me, am I getting paid for that?" "yes" "fine, I'll do it, and will you stop glaring at me like I am some target?" her Black eyes met his as she spoke with gritted teeth's, anger rushing through her body Wanda slapping his shoulder before apologizing to her "I am so sorry Meryam-" "it's alright Wanda don't apologize in his place, he just needs to stop and do it all by himself if he's a true man, good night everyone" with that she made her way out of the place trying to calm her nerves down

Anger Issues

"Ohh she got you good" Teased Sam the twin who was still fuming in anger, rage thrummed through his veins as he swallowed down his frustration sending him a harsh look, "shut up birdy" with that he was out of sight just before Clint could say something

"oh these two are not going to be friends or work together, it's probably something worse"

[laskyy]

Hey guys! So today (October 6th) is my bestie's (@newkyumilk) bday! And since it's already the 7th of October (Jiung's bday) in korea I decided to post this imagine as a present for my bestie and as a birthday special to Jiung! I really hope you enjoy this 💖💖💖

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Memories

Tw: Kissing, crying, mentions of trains (let me know if I missed something)

Genre: fluff

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Friends come and go, was what everyone always said and you didn't really believe them until you completely lost touch with your childhood best friend, Jiung.

You and Jiung had met when you were both only 5, your parents were good friends so it was only natural for you two to hang out when they hung out.

Jiung had seen all of your awkward phases, and he stuck with you through all of them, well that is until he moved cities without even telling you and that always made you think if you did something wrong or if he didn't want to hurt you.

That was 3 years ago, now you were a college student and you were very focused on your future, wanting to excell so you could have the life you always wanted.

You were very tired from all of the assignements, but you could finally rest as your college would give students a small two week break, and honestly it was just what you needed to relax.

You and your parents had planned to visit some friends in another city, but you didn't bother asking who they were, you just wanted a little get away.

"Honey, do you have everything packed?" Your mom asked as you went down the stairs of your house into the living room where your parents were waiting.

"Yes, I double checked everything!" You said as you reached the living room and sighed.

"You're gonna love these few days I promise!" Your dad said as opened the door for you and your mom.

"I'm sure I will, I really need to rest! I hope your friends are calm people!" But instead of answering, your parents just stared at each other with knowing smiles as they exited your house and locked the door.

You guys headed for the train station and in your mind was only the thought of how th house was gonna be and who were the friends you were gonna be visiting.

All those thought came to a halt when your mom called you to get on the train as it had already arrived.

You got on the train and let your mind run wild. Train rides brought you a certain nostalgia, because you used to ride the train with your childhood bestriend Jiung all the time.

But well, now that he wasn't here you couldn't hope for it to happen again. And besides that he just left you with no trace.

"Honey, hey, sorry to interrupt your thought, but I just wanted to tell you that we're almost there!" Your dad said as he gave you a small smile.

"Ok dad, thanks for telling me." You answered as you looked out the window and saw a field of flower. More specifically one that reminded you of your childhood with Jiung.

Flashback

You and Jiung were 10 years old and were just playing hide and seek in a field of flowers, somewhere you'd go to after school every friday.

"I'm coming!" Jiung said as he tried to look for you as you were hidden behind a bush. You were hoping he'd take longer finding you but he found you with no time.

"Got you!" He said as he laughed cutely and you looked at him laughing as well. "How are you so good at this?" You asked as you both sat down in the grass.

"I played a lot with my cousin last summer, so you better watch out." He said as he tried to look scary, but you just laughed.

You stood there looking at the field when you spotted a beautiful sunflower. "Look Jiung, how beautiful is that?" "It's very pretty! Wait a little bit!" He said as he stood up and disappeared for a few minutes, and when you were about to look for him he appeared with a flower crown made of sunflower and put it on top of your head. "There, now the flower is wearing flowers!" Jiung said as he giggled and booped your nose.

End of flashback

You were already tearing up at the sweet memory when you mom tapped your shoulder for you to exit the train with your parents.

This place looked oddly familiar, but you couldn't wrap your head around where you've seen it, so you decided to wait until you reached the house you were staying at to try and ask someone.

You arrived at the house and as soon as your parents knocked the door opened revealing a couple around your parents' age who welcomed you sweetly.

"And you must be their Child! You're so pretty!" The lady said as she pulled you in a hug.

"I'm sure you'd love to meet my son! He's around your age! TAEYANG!" She yelled with full force. And Taeyang? You were sure you knew someone named like that, but who?

The boy came down stairs and immediately recognized you as he hugged you and told his and your parents that he was going with you to his room.

"Hey! You remember me right? I'm Taeyang, Jiung's cousin!" So that's why you knew him.

"Oh! I do remember you! How are you? I haven't seen you in so long!" You said as you tried to get the conversation going.

"I'm great! Even better now that I'm seeing you! You've grown!" He said with a smile. You both kept talking for a while until he mention Jiung.

"So you're probably wondering why Jiung hasn't beeb talking to you or why he didn't tell you anything about the reason he was moving right?" He asked as he looked at you with his doe eyes.

"Well, yeah, but he probably wanted to cut me off no?" You asked as if it was obvious.

"Do you really think he'd do that? No, he's not like that, he didn't tell you anything, because he knew he wouldn't be strong enough to not break down when he saw you! It wasn't his best decision, but well it's done right?" He said with a conforting smile.

"I appreciate the information Tae, but why are you telling me all of this?" You asked as you were genuinely curious about this random outburst about his cousin.

"Well, I knew you were coming and I also knew about his situation, so I may or may not have invited him over for you guys to talk." He said so fast that if you weren't so invested in this you wouldn't have caught a word he said.

"You what? I haven't talked to him in over 3 years! Tae it's going to be awkward!" You said sounding desperate.

"Calm down! Everything is going to go well! And he hasn't changed! He's still the same as he was when he lived near you! The only difference is that he lives near me now!" Taeyang said in hopes to comfort you.

A few hours had passed and you heard the doorbell ring.

"Oh my god, Tae it's him!" You said as you nervously paced around the room.

"Calm down things are going to go well I promise! And he's gonna come up stairs. If you need anything shout, I'm going to be in the living room!" Tae said as he exited the room to invite Jiung inside.

You were a nervous wreck, but you were still curious about how Jiung would look now, probably more mature was your guess, and as he entered the room you realized your guess was absolutely right.

"Y/n" Jiung said as he ran in your direction and picked you up in his arms. You were so overwhelmed you started crying and you didn't miss the fact that Jiung also shed a few tears of his own.

"I missed you so much!" Jiung said as he let you down on the floor to look at you.

"I missed you too, but why did you avoid me? Why did you hide everything from me?" Although Taeyang had already given you the answer you still wanted to hear the answer from him.

"I was stupid and I didn't tell you because I knew that if I told you I wouldn't be strong enough to actually move, it would be harder so I thought it would be the best for the both of us, But I was so wrong! I missed you everyday!" He said with glossy eyes.

"Oh Jiung I missed you too!" You said as you teared up again and wrapped you arms around him.

When you guys both calmed down you went to the living room where Taeyang was staying.

"So are you guys ok? Are you friends again? Something more?" Taeyang asked as he said the last part softly so only Jiung would hear.

"Yes we're good now! But Me and Y/n are going for a walk, we'll be back before dinner." Jiung announced as you both went out of the door.

You were just catching up while walking until Jiung stopped at the flower field you'd seen while in the train.

"Wanna know something? I came here everytime I missed you badly, because this flower field really looks like the one next to your house!" Jiung admitted as he mitioned for you to come with him.

"Actually, when I was in train I saw this field through the window and I thought back to us playing hide and seek and that one time you made that flower crown for me." You said shyly as you weren't playing attention to Jiung's actions, but when you saw him again you noticed him walking towards you with a sunflower crown.

"Jiung, that's so cute!" You said as he put it on your head the same way he did when you were kids.

"Now the flower is wearing flowers!" He said just like before as he booped you nose.

"Oh my god, I miss when we were kids!" You said as Jiung sat down next to you.

"Yeah, I also miss living next to you! I was so sad my mom got a promotion, I just wanted to live near you!" He said as he scooted closer to you.

"Maybe in the future we'll be able to live close!" You said as the both of you moved backwards to rest your backs against a tree.

"Yeah maybe!" Jiung said as he gave you a knowing smile.

"Ok, I've been keeping this in for like 5 years so I need to let it out!" Jiung exclaimed.

"Go ahead Ji!" You said calmly.

"I like you, well, that's a lie. I love you in a romantic way. And honestly it's okay if you don't feel the same I just needed to tell you!" Jiung said as he was now blushing furiously and you think you were too.

"I actually love you too Jiung. I have since a few years now. And when you left I was so heartbroken, because I thought I'd never see you again." You confessed while looking straight in his eyes.

"But now I'm here and we could do something about these feelings, that is if you want to of course." He said shyly.

"I'd love to, but we're gonna have to do a long distance relationship." You said sadly.

"And what if I tell you we don't?" He said in a questioning way.

"What do you mean? We live quite far from each other." You said while confusion was written all over your face.

"I'm moving again! My mom found a stable job back in your city! We're gonna be able to meet everyday almost all the time!" He said and as he finished his sentence you threw yourself in his arms.

"Jiung that's literally the best thing you could've told me! I love you so much!" You said as you hugged him tighter and felt him kiss your head gently.

"I love you too, so much, you have no idea." He said as he looked deep in your eyes, grabbed your cheek gently and leaned in to kiss you, but before he could reach your lips he lifted his eyebrows as a way to ask for permission to which you granted by nodding and Jiung then kissed you softly.

You guys broke apart after a few seconds to make eye contact and you smiled sweetly at each other, a smile that showed your feelings for one another completely.

"I love you." You said as you smiled at Jiung.

"I love you too." Jiung said as he smiled and leaned in to kiss you again.

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I hope you guys enjoyed it! Specially my bestie, my first Tumblr friend @newkyumilk! Everyone go wish her a happy birthday! And In Korea it's already Jiung day, so happy birthday to our hardworking Jiung 💖💖💖

Have a great day/afternoon/night! I love you 💖💖💖

[soulsilencer]

Okay imagine we're next to a fireplace and I'm next to you in full armor and I'm going to tell you a story about my youth ok? Okay. So when I was a kid/pre-teen there was this internet animated series called "Bul.gar" which was a parody on bg life and stuff, very similar to "Family Guy" in it's humour and animation. It was made by a small team of people and when I say a team, I mean like 5 guys or something. But anyway, the comedy series was a hit online and every single kid in my class (and just in general) referenced it for the longest time. The best hit of the series was like the weird fucked up episode about aliens or something. I don't remember what it was, but the best scene and Magnum opus was like when one of the characters reminisces about his youth and how after school he would to to buy greasy banitsi (local food) for his weird alien fucked up grandmother. And while it was like weird in the Family Guy comedy sense, it was actually kind of cute and in a way did end up kinda capturing some part of the BG life. Anyway. I only got my own pc 2 years ago so prior to this I would use the main family computer home which was located in the apartment's living room which also acted as my parents' bedroom and they never let me watch this series (because it was full of like adult and inappropriate humour), but because EVERYONE was talking about it and at the time I didn't have wifi on my phone and I didn't even have a phone with a screen like. I had a flip phone. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with the series or watch the episodes while all of my classmates and friends did. So what I would do is whenever we would be over other people and family friends' houses I would straight up go to their PC (if they had one) and just sit down and fucking. Watch full episodes. Like 10 minute or something episodes there. And I would be constantly looking everywhere and checking if people were listening to me or spying on me to not catch me watching this fucking show. And if said families had children younger than me I would tell them to go in the corner and not watch until I'm finished or tell them that I would be right back to the toilet before going on their PC to watch episodes. Then one day I was really into a marathon and I almost finished the Halloween special and then my father stormed into the room and he'd go "ARE YOU WATCHING BUL.GAR????" and I was so fucking scared I almost crapped everything. But like I didn't get any consequences or anything. I didn't get grounded. After that I only did it like two more times and then stopped. The show got a book and a movie that was actually in one of the old cinemas here if I remember correctly, but I never got to expirience either. Anyway. To end this is the only thing I can say is why the fuck were my parents so heated over me watching that dumb ass show when they would let me watch "How I Met Your Mother" every night with them at th dinner table when I was 10 which had a dedicated episode to how some guy would pull a trick on people by stripping naked in minutes to have sex with them out of nowhere and how the trick would work 2/3 times they called him The Naked Man.

[ramp-it-up]

Fresh Squeeze, Ch. 5

Pairing: Daveed Diggs x OFC Linden Marshall

Set in 2023, post-pandemic

Warnings: Cursing, Angsty Angst, drug and alcohol use, surprise flights, Anthony Ramos. Lots of Plot.

Word Count: 3.5 K

Plot: Linden Marshall just finished law school at Columbia University in NYC. Daveed Diggs is still creating magic with his platonic life partner Rafael Casal in the form of their Blindspotting musical, Bay Boys. Linden’s boyfriend WAS Mark Monaco, star of the superhero movie series Invincible.  They were together for years, and her trauma and his addictions were toxic. She knows now that wasn’t love. 

A/N: Keep in mind that this the same AU as Arrivals, with Holly Woods, but is BEFORE Rafa and Holly get together. And don’t come for me about Anthony.

Read the Previous Chapter.

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NYC, May 2023

Jasmine was blowing up your phone as you were trying to get dressed.  You had to search for it under the pile of clothes on your bed.

You had procrastinated getting ready, trying to finish one of your applications for a summer internship at this law firm in Harlem that you were excited about.  

You wanted to finally relax after finishing Columbia law in the top 10% of your class. You just wanted to relax and enjoy this weekend.

Craig, your mom and your uncle were the only ones to attend your graduation.  They knew you didn’t want any fanfare, so your famous friends didn’t attend, and they had a show to do, but they’d sent you tons of well wishes.

We're coming up, get decent!

You chuckled and shook your head. Anthony usually raided the refrigerator when he came over. This time, you told him to bring his own snacks..

You slipped on what you were wearing for the night.  Craig was in his room getting ready and you had volunteered his place, so you were playing hostess. You were surprised that he was so chill about it, actually. 

“Pika Pika,” you said to yourself in the mirror then ran to answer the doorbell. It was almost 6 pm.

You opened the door for Cookie Monster and Big Bird.  You burst out laughing. But you stopped when you saw Anthony's face. He had like five bags from Whole Foods that he was juggling in his blue arms.

"Jazzy!!!! There's my girl.  Hey Ant! leave the food and your girl. We may run off together."

Anthony came in the door loaded down with bags and kissed you on the cheek.  

“I love you Lindy, but fuck you man.” You punched him on the shoulder. 

“Ow! Time to get this party started!”

Linden heard Jazzy’s Brooklyn accent turn into a London lilt as she started play fighting with Ant. They felt like family at this point.

=================

Ever since the launch party in January, Jasmine had pursued you as a friend persistently. You normally didn’t let anyone in because of the circumstances of your life, but Jas was oblivious to your awkwardness with normal human beings.

“Girl, you are fucking DOPE, and you are NOT gonna deny my love.  I know your life has been a trip, and you don’t have to tell me all of it, but I’m not gonna let you shrivel up and be a little retiring wallflower. Life is to be lived.” 

Jasmine telling you that during a Saturday brunch date in February was the key to your heart. She drew you out, and you didn’t see what value you added to her life.

But she loved you anyway. And you loved her, and of course, Anthony was part of the package.  

He was beautiful, loud, talented, and reckless, but he reminded you too fucking much of Dell to be annoyed with him very long.

Your circle had certainly widened from just Craig. That was one thing for which you could thank Mark. You were working on him being a distant memory.  He hadn’t lasted too long in Bay Boys, quitting soon after the musical opened in March.  

Daveed’s hands and feet had ‘slipped’ one too many times during the scene when he was stomping his ass on stage. Mark cited health reasons, and publicly spiraled a bit. He was currently in rehab. 

Again. 

You had not heard from him and that was absolutely fine with you.

Because Jasmine was in Bay Boys and that was her life, the cast and crew became yours as well. Rafael was the type of chaotic creative genius that fascinated you; you could listen to him talk for hours.  

Things with Daveed were more tricky. Ever since that awkwardness with him after the launch party, you’d kept your distance, but you hung out a lot, so you were trying to be friends.

When you and Jas and Ant and Rafa hung out and talked, Daveed was there, smiling shyly and sneaking glances at you, throwing in pearls of wisdom every so often. 

He was so dope and so talented and intelligent and so freaking hot, but you were trying to get yourself together.  You were convinced that night in January had been a mistake. 

You needed some space. And time.  Law school was no joke, and you were in therapy so entanglements was not what was up.

Daveed sensed your hesitancy and decided to stop pursuing you. But he couldn’t stop how he felt.

You were both a little wasted and keyed up the night of the launch party, and despite the way you were beautiful and intelligent and sexy as fucking hell, he was not going to press you. 

Daveed was sure that you two could be something special if you would give it a chance, but he didn’t want to chase you, but he was so gone for you, that if you just nodded your head at him, he would be at your feet.

The attraction was undeniable. There was a crazy little dance you two did that everyone recognized and respected.  This group seemed to know you were fragile, and that you didn’t need to be pushed too far.

But the more they persisted, the more you came out of your shell.  The more you trusted, the more the old Lindy came back. 

Craig noticed first soon after you started hanging with the crew when you were trying to find a place to live. He went to one showing with you and sat you down for a talk.

“Girl, I love the light in your eyes.  I haven’t seen this Lindy since…well in a long time. Stay with me for as long as you want. I know you need to get through this last semester of school, you don’t need one more thing to think about. I’m proud of the work that you’re doing on yourself, Linden.”

You were grateful to Craig.  His place on the Upper West Side was super convenient to Columbia, and not having to think about finding a place was so clutch.  Third year was kicking your ass.

“Besides, I wouldn’t have this place if it wasn’t for…”

“Hush,  I don’t want to hear that.  Dell would have wanted this. I love you cuzzo.” 

=================

Craig came out in a Sully onesie and immediately dragged Jasmine into a conversation about the Met Gala that had happened a few days ago. 

You approached the kitchen where Ant stood, food all around him on the counter. You were whispering. He smiled a secret smile at you.

“I’m so proud of you doing this for Jasmine.  It’s good for you all to get away. I’m glad that she got a little break. She deserves it all.”

Anthony had arranged for this little get together to be a surprise for Jasmine. This was going to be a kickback weekend.

The show was on a four day hiatus while the set was moved to a bigger theatre.  It was a hit and was destined for a long run.

Ant’s green eyes lit up as you kept talking about Jasmine.

“Yeah, she does. And the woman of the hour deserves all the happiness in the world.” He lifted his beer to you.

They way he said that was weird and you were about to ask him what was up with that when the doorbell started ringing, you went to answer it and were stuck there for a few minutes as people started coming in. 

The food and the drinks were flowing while all kinds of characters came in. 

Now they also had Jack Skellingtom, and a Care Bear in the house to add to Big bird, Cookie Monster, Pikachu and Sully. It was an odd cast of characters who were jamming to 90's rap, eating chicken wings and basically tripping like only friends could do.

Then there was Toni, some tag-along chick who showed up with Rafa.  She had on a plain gray onesie.  What a downer.  

You’d  pegged her for  a star fucker who only hung with Rafa because of who he and his friends were.  The girl was too much in everyone's business. 

"Sooooo. You and Mark ARE broken up for real for real. The tabloids say y’all are back together!  I told my friend Susie you weren’t, but she wouldn't believe me."

You  just smiled and didn't confirm or deny, treating Toni like the paparazzi. The girl was oblivious to your hate and just kept talking.

Daveed rescued you. 

"Hey, Toni, show these folks how you can blow. They're setting up the karaoke machine over there. Show us what you're working with. Someone might hook you up with a gig."

Toni perked up and hurried over to Anthony and Craig, who were setting up the lyrics on the big screen to match the karaoke music. Some Bad Boy joints were up.

Rafa was behind them screaming, "Dylan, Dylan, Dylan!" 

They were a scene.  You  breathed and relaxed a little.

"Don't stress. She's not coming with us  to the island."

You looked up at the tall, fine Grumpy Care Bear who was nursing some of your special 18-year-old Chivas Regal that you had gotten for graduation. His beautiful smile shined out of his brown face and beneath the curls tumbling out of his hood. 

“I’m not pressed. I’m chilling. You can do what you want. With who you want.”

“She’s not with me. Rafa brought her for the ride to the airport. And it’s not entirely true that I can do what I want. With who I want. Because what if who I want to do doesn’t want to do me?”

You knew what he meant. But you eyed his drink instead of looking at him. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him. That was far from the truth. You didn’t want to get lost in him. And you could see that happening.

Daveed saw your wheels turning. You were over analyzing again.  He’d spent three months observing you every chance he got. He felt like he knew your anxieties.  So fucking smart, but here you were thinking too much.

"Hey Genuis Ass. Want some?" Daveed’s voice was softer as he grinned and offered you some of his drink.  “Or, I could go make you something?” For some reason he wanted you to get loose. 

"Nah, I'm good Diggs.”  For some reason you needed to stay in control.  You played it off by changing the subject. 

“I still can’t believe y’all call me that.” 

Daveed just smiled and nodded, chuckling a little. He craned his neck and looked at it, having to dodge a smack upside the head.

“That ass is genius, you know. That’s the one thing He Who Shall Not Be Named was right about. And you’re one of the smartest humans I know.”  

You had to look at him then. The flecks of gold in his eyes tho.  But you could tell from the slight redness that he was a little zooted.  He didn’t get that way around you a lot, but you knew for the stories that he partied occasionally. 

He and Rafa and that Toni chick must have pre-gamed.  You remembered the last time you two were  tipsy together.You cleared your throat and looked away.

“Why did you lie to that girl? She can’t sing.” You were shaking your head, scowling at Toni’s screeching from the karaoke machine.

He winked at you. D was well on his way to getting LIT.

"What? She can blow.”  Daveed sipped his drink and watched her. 

“She’ll suck your soul out and spit it back in your mouth." Daveed was loose. And so was his mouth. But he didn’t care.

Your mouth was hanging open at Daveed as you wondered what Daveed had done with Toni, what Daveed AND Rafa had done with Toni... 

Shit, you were just going to ask.

"How do you know that she..."

"AWWWW SHEEEIIIITTT! THAT'S MY JAM! REMEMBER THIS LINDY??"

“No, I was like, negative 5..”

You raised your voice as he traveled away from you, smiling. He was not slick.

“Well you missed out being tardy to the party…” 

He was backing toward the mic, knocking it out of Anthony’s hand and starting the rap. Rafa joined him, trading verses.

Now as the record spins around, you recognize this sound,

Well, it's the underground,

You know that we're down with wutchyalike

Yeah, with wutchyalike, yeah

And though we're usually on the serious tip, check it out:

Tonight we're gonna flip and trip and let it all hang out tonight,

We're gonna say what we like.

'Cause, yo, yo, we want to know how many people in the flow,

Would like to just let yourselves go

And doowutchyalike,

Yeah, well tonight's your night.

Just eat food, try not to be crude or rude,

Kill the attitude, chill the serious mood,

And doowutchyalike,

Yeah, and doowutchyalike,

Everybody doowutchyalike

Everyone was dancing and Daveed had effectively deflected your question. But you would never forget.

By 8 o’clock, Craig grabbed the mic and motioned for Jasmine to come with him. You had enjoyed some cocktails finally, and just figured they were going to duet Wind Beneath My Wings just like they always did. 

You were actually moving to the music and feeling good.

"Ok guys, whew.  I'm hot.  Is it hot in herrrre?" Craig was fanning himself.

“Whoooo! Nelly!”

You yelled and everyone laughed.

Craig took his hood off and started to unzip his onesie. Jasmine did the same.

You kept dancing nervously, not realizing it, looking around at the others who were also disrobing. You did a double take as D’s abs came into view.  What was going on?

Craig continued.

"Lindy, I just need a minute to talk, can you stop whatever it is you're doing?"  He grinned at you from across the room. "You're still moving Lindy."

You blushed and stopped fidgeting.

"Ummm, Craig, what the..."

One by one people dropped their onesies, all except Toni, who had no clue what was going on. Soon, everyone was standing in Craig’s condo in their swimsuits, looking fine as hell. 

You just looked around, then in your cup wondering if you were too drunk and hallucinating.

“Lindy, you’ve worked real hard, and this past few months have been crazy, so we wanted to do something special for you this weekend, for your graduation, and for your birthday, WHICH IS SUNDAY!!”

Everyone cheered as Jasmine took the mic. “You think this party is for me. Well the joke’s on you bitch, because you have been hosting your own party!”

You opened your mouth, squeaked a little, then spoke,

"But why?.. Everybody?  But what..."

Daveed moved close.

"Damn, you fine," you whispered. 

Your hand flew to your mouth when he smirked in response. Everyone was rolling because turns out, you didn’t whisper.

Daveed cleared his throat. "Thank you. You’re fine yaseif. Anyway, Anthony and Jasmine have a house there, and we’re flying out of JFK tonight.  In about two and a half hours in fact. So we gotta get going.”

You still had only a part of a clue of what was going on. But you couldn't resist all of this.

"Okay? But... I don't have any clothes. And I don’t have a ticket..."

Craig came from the storage room off the kitchen with one of your suitcases. Others started getting their bags as well

"Everybody's shit has been in my house for a week. And girl, you know I got your information. It ain’t nothing but a thang.  Your ticket is ready and waiting. Just sent it to your email.”

Your mouth dropped open and you stared at Craig as everyone pulled their onesies back up and got their bags together.

Your eyes filled with tears that you hurriedly brushed away. Craig came over and hugged you. Then every else joined in for a group hug.

"You deserve, Lindy. Let us celebrate you."

You looked like you didn't quite believe it, but you went along. You laughed, visibly deciding to go with the flow.

"I'm down!"

Toni was nearby. When the hug broke up, she started asking questions.  Your  patience was wearing thin.

"I don’t believe that all these people really roll like this. Y’all wild. Susie won that bet."

You just continued to look at this fool.

"But isn’t this dope?  All these famous, successful men being so fearless with their love and appreciation for Black women, of all people. Who woulda thunk they didn't want white women?"

Toni just kept saying the wrong thing. It was the "of all people" for you.

You stared daggers at your houseguest. Toni caught the look.

"Wait, are you mixed?"

You narrowed your eyes and said, "Black mixed with Black."

Toni clutched her pearls.

"Oh wow. Didn't mean to offend. I just mean everyone knows Jasmine is mixed, with her dad and all, as black as can be. But her white British mom saved her from his skin tone. I mean, she has braids in now, so you can see it, but all she has to do is blow her hair straight and she can pass..."

Toni jumped when Rafa spoke. She didn't know he was there.

"Toni. Not Jas. She's the homie." 

The look in his ice blue eyes could burn. 

"And you are a Black woman, so you know how dope they are. Why would anyone NOT worship at your feet?"

Lindy just sipped her drink as Craig entered the chat. "Amen!"

"Maybe it is time for you to get going, honey. I might call you when I get back."

Rafa  led Toni to the door as she protested.

"But I was going to take you to the air..."

"And I APPRECIATE you Black woman, but we'll get there.  See you later."

Then Rafa shut the door in her face. Linden discovered she loved him eternally at that moment. She was rolling.

No one mourned Toni’s departure as arrangements were made for cars to take everyone to the airport.

"You and Daveed can ride with us, Rafa." Ant to the rescue.

"Yeah, Jasmine loves to look at my profile." Jas pinched him so hard he jumped.

“Fuck!”

Ant  was screaming as he, Jasmine and Rafa went out the door. 

"Peace! See you at airport security.  If you get nabbed by TSA, you on your own!”

Daveed lingered. “I don’t know if all of us and our bags will fit in one car. Can I ride with you and Lindy, Craig?”

Craig smirked at Daveed, but didn’t say anything. “Of course...you good with that Lindy?”

You tried to keep it light. 

“Sure.. no biggie,” you cleared your throat and headed to the bathroom to make sure you had everything you needed.

=================

By the time you got to your Uber, the traffic was horrible. It took over an hour to get to the airport. You felt both anxious about missing the flight and keyed up about sitting next to Daveed in the car.

His thigh and side pressing into yours in the dark in the back of an Uber Black brought back memories of that reckless night. 

When he put his arm up on the seat behind you, “For more room,” he said, in that voice and flashing that megawatt smile, you were enveloped more into his scent and warmth. You had to control yourself not to melt into him.

Craig was sitting on his phone, sneaking glances at you and smirking the entire ride. He’d insisted that you be in the middle because you were so tiny.

The whole world was against you, you thought, as you and Daveed both stared straight ahead, both flashing back to that January night.

You were the last three people to run through the airline gate just at they were about to close it. All your friends in first class cheered when you took their seats, and Rafa popped a bottle of champagne.

"Talk about cutting it close," Ant commented as Rafa gave Daveed a high five.

Daveed looked at you. You shook your head at him. Somehow, you were sitting next to him. You just decided to let it be and have some time.

“Just make sure you don’t molest me under this blanket, Ms. Marshall,” Daveed intoned when you were settled and given amenities for the night.

The flight attendant had to tell y’all to keep quiet as the cat calls went up.

Welp, you thought. This will be the vibe the entire weekend. 

You weren’t mad at it. You loved these people. And you were safe. You just smiled, settled down, and looked out of the window to watch the lights of New York fade away.

=================

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[acommonloon]

TL;DR

What a delicious memorable night!

Except, I returned to the scene of a crime and got a last call beer and I'm a little disturbed I can't remember what it was. Let me think.

Oh that's right. I remember now.

____________________________________________________________

I remember hours before, going in The Raven, circling the bar before walking back out, not a single beer worth the time to drink it.

I remember darting across two busy lanes of traffic to see what The Ainsley was all about. It was the second venue to inhabit my much loved and missed Blue Grass Brewing Company, where I bought countless beers in past years. I never went in The Sullivan, it first followed BBC but, The Ainsley laudes itself as an upscale sports bar.

I nearly didn't go in. The building outside blinded me with unadorned white walls and...they took all the fucking windows out! Still, I had just braved rush hour on Frankfort Ave in 90deg heat so I pushed on. I was back outside in less than 5 seconds.

The inside was...where old white people go to die and maybe a few patrons at the bar had succumbed. The place reeked like a basement couch leaking generations of old man farts and the barely moving white heads scattered along the bar looked like moths fluttering their last against a hot window sill. I ran back across Frankfort.

Briefly I considered bailing. I could be home in under an hour where I've got beer worth drinking for days, weeks even. I'm no quitter though. I was parked in front of Street Grub and Hops, a bizarrely named venue I'd been in a few times since The Mellow Mushroom failed to survive in Louisville's over crowded pizza market.

I remembered they had 30+ taps behind their large U-shaped bar and I could see the whole side of the building was open to the sidewalk. Inside a band was setting up to play so I was assured in this place I wouldn't need mothballs to dispel the odour of human demise.

If my sense of failing mortality seemed unaccountably morbid on a bright Friday afternoon, in my defense, a new place next to Street Grub caught my eye. NSD Bar it said on the sign. What's that? Never Say Die Bar <shakes head>

I was met at the bar by a lively young man with a lush black beard and handlebar mustache. Thirsty? he asked. You've no idea.

He gesture towards the wall of taps and said let me know if you see something that piques your interest.

I chuckled and said that's a tall order. I spend too much time beer hunting.

He laughed then and said to which spelling are you referring?

My brain stuttered then I got the clever play on words he'd heard in my "tall order" reply, accidental for sure.

Which did you mean I countered, then I spelled peak or pique? The second one he smiled as he walked off.

<sigh> it was 5:10 already and I didn't know it but I'd just experienced the high point of my visit to Street Grub. In spite of their large list, only one beer piqued my interest and Austin, of the peaky facial hair, apologized when he discovered it was no longer on. My second choice, in spite of being a Stone Brewing offering, had no more character than the Miller Lite branded glass they brought it in. Worst of all, the fried pickles sucked. I should have remembered that because I'd had them there before.

I got back in my car with no particular plan. Then remembered a friend had mentioned the bar I had visited on Saturday had a Speakeasy room in the basement. <shrug>The Speakeasy theme has never interested me but such places often do high quality drinks and my recent visit to Gerties upstairs bore that out. They made me a Penicillin or two actually and they were terrific. I could do with another or two.

As soon as I walked in, the bartender greeted me with, "You're back!" I grinned back at him and said, "I heard you've a room in the basement." We do and he pointed around the bar to a door and said tell the bartender downstairs his Penicillin isn't as good as mine.

Recently, the guy that runs a nearby wine bar told me I was memorable. He said, "You make an impression." I wasn't sure he was complimenting me but I do appreciate it when the bartender remembers what drinks I like. I headed downstairs into the dark. It was really dark and I was worried I might trip as I shuffled toward the dimly lit bar. The bartender shouted a hearty welcome and then he said knowingly, "I bet you want a Penicillin!" WTF

I replied, "What, the guy upstairs rang down? No he shook his head. I was at a loss until he took pity on me. He said, "I was upstairs the other day when you asked for a classic Penicillin. I make up all the drinks here so I noticed. Oh right, I said but actually, you look very familiar. Where have you worked before. When he said Red Herring it sounded right but I couldn't remember where that was. As soon as he told me it was next to the Silver Dollar the memories flooded back and we fondly reminisced about the drinks and food there.

Soon I had a classic Penicillin in front of me and we began to talk drinks. We included the only other guy at the bar in our conversation. He was rail thing, wore a scarf on his head, and had a robust but not too pornish mustache. I suspected he was staff there at Gerties. He was clearly interested but not so experienced. For the next two hours I enjoyed the back and forth and drinks.

Chad is a professional bartender who loves his job. He loves making drinks and he loves talking to people. While we chatted, more than twenty people, in pairs and sometimes larger groups came downstairs, got drinks and eventually left. At one point I was sure Matt Gaetz sat down at a two top. I did a double-take to be sure the woman with him wasn't Marjorie Taylor Greene in a wig. It was hard for me not to stare but I kept stealing glances. Eventually I concluded this guy was what Gaetz would look like if he wasn't befouled by evil. A very good looking guy!

When he left, I asked if I was the only one who thought that? No one had noticed but, by that time, Terrence, a large black man who'd come down with two white friends was standing next to me. He'd been ordering drinks when the bar conversation turned to German food and he joined our conversation eagerly. After delivering drinks to his friends, he returned to talk. When I suggested the guy who'd just left looked like the American traitor Matt Gaetz, he said no way! He went on to say Gaetz was a POS and if it had been him there might have been trouble. Lol, now that would have been memorable.

Terrence left wishing Chad and myself a good day, remembering both our names. It turned out the guy with the scarf on his head was a sous chef at nearby Bar Vetti. OMG, I'd meaning to go there but I worried D wouldn't like it. I asked him if they would make her a pepperoni pizza. He said they had one but it had calabrian and peppadew peppers on it. Yeah, can you take those off. Um yeah?

I said I'd just go check it out myself for dinner after I finished the Negroni riff Chad had excitedly made up on the spot using a special dry vermouth and something that wasn't Campari. He referred to it as a white Negroni. It was delicious!

Bar Vetti was only about a hundred feet down the sidewalk from Gerties. I enjoyed the early evening as I walked, it was comfortably warm with a gentle breeze and for the first time in a long time, Nulu felt normal. People were sitting outside the Taj and the Mayan Cafe, the evening was alive with conversation, color, and movement. When I looked in the windows of the new swanky Marriott Hotel it was the same inside and there might not be room for me at the bar.

I walked past the unattended hostess stand into a storm of blaring conversation. I stopped in front of an empty seat but there was a drink there so I turned around to the other side. I asked a man in a suit if the empty seat next to him was taken. It's yours he answered without looking away from his companion. I sat and picked up the wine list.

On my left were three young men, obviously of southwest Asian heritage. Within seconds I understood they were native English speakers and they were having a good time. The youngest one was next to me and he seemed barely old enough to shave. He was rather louder than the others and seemed to be mildly complaining about something. The bartender came over to them and appeared to pick up a conversation she must have started before I got there. It was really more of a lecture and she was telling them that she couldn't spend all of her time in front of them as she and another bartender had a full bar.

I felt myself tense a little, wondering if there was going to be an altercation. I didn't look at the young men but watched the bartender closely. While her words were stern, her body language seemed relaxed. I heard the man furthest away from me say, "That's fair." The bartender didn't acknowledge his words. She poured me a water and I asked for a glass of wine. Then I turned to the men.

"Are you guys from here or visiting?" I could see them tense up the young guy on guard most of all. I went on as if I hadn't noticed and said, I overheard you say this was your kind of place a minute ago. This is my first visit here and it's a bit fancy for me. They relaxed. I felt sure they were expecting to be challenged and I might look just like the kind of old white asshole who would do that.

We're from California the young guy said but we live here and work at Rabbit Hole. Do you know it?

Of course I said, it's something the city can really be proud of. I've been over there in the bar many times and the facility is gorgeous. Cameron seemed near to burst with happiness. He said, "We're just about to have a drink, will you join us? I said, sure what are we drinking. Rabbit Hole he said, "We got to represent!"

From that moment on, I had a dinner companion who was overjoyed to talk to someone who knows about the Kentucky whiskey business. When I said, the marketing for Rabbit Hole is genius, Cameron threw his hand up and pointed at the man farthest from me. Justin is our marketing!

Justin said well, to be honest I've only been there for 3 years and Cameron replied, "He's being too modest. We've only been open for 4 years. I asked Cameron, are you a distiller? I was when I first started he said. My uncle is the founder and I've got a business degree so now I work the financials. Wow, I replied.

He said, you have to come over and ask for us! We'll give you an insider tour. I waived that off a bit and said, I'll be sure to come back over but your beautiful column still is out where I can see it when I go to the bar on the roof. Sometimes I just stand at the end of the hall by the elevators and admire it. He said, "OMG we never get to talk to anyone like you!"

We had a drink of their Heigold and I didn't have to pretend it was good. I said, "I'd drank their sourced whiskey before but this was the first time I'd had something they'd distilled themselves other than their gin. It tasted more mature than I'd expected and I said I'd likely pick up a bottle now that I'd had it. I will.

Soon, Cameron's girlfriend came in and sat next to Justin. Cameron pretended to be annoyed and she seemed maybe a little suspicious of me. Soon she was sitting next to Cameron and was telling me all his faults. It was bar buddies in the best form. I asked for the whiskey list and suggested I buy us all a drink. I was disappointed by the selection TBH. The owner is a well-known whiskey aficionado and his BBQ joint just a block away has a much bigger selection of whiskey. I noticed an Old Forester Single Barrel Rye on the list and suggested it.

I specified it be served in rocks glasses instead of glencairns and we clinked our glasses when everyone had their drink. It was candy in a glass and far too sweet to be anything I'd recognize as rye whiskey but my bar buddies claimed to like it so no harm done.

When their food came, I settled my check and Cameron again expressed his pleasure at our talk. He renewed his invite to come to the distillery and I walked back out into the night.

When I got back to my car I looked up and saw Akasha Brewing was still open with people sitting at tables outside. The street at this end was quiet and peaceful. I remembered my last visit to Akasha hadn't gone well at all. The server there had refused to give me a taste of a beer. I was shocked. I'd already bought and paid for one beer when I asked for a taste. I said I was trying to decide which of two others I'd take home in a growler.

She said it was their policy not to give out tastes because people sometimes asked for lots of tastes and didn't buy a beer. WTF I had already bought a beer! I was so annoyed I'd decided not to drink at Akasha until they changed their stupid policy. If they were going to treat me like their worst customer, I wasn't going to spend my money there. Still, one more beer would be nice. Then I saw what I wanted.

That's it. A strong Belgian golden ale is what I had there!